ChaoticNick

My first big tattoo and with a big tattoo comes the responsibility of answering the most common question, “what does it mean?” I get it doesn’t necessarily have to have a meaning, but for me, it was important, if I was getting something permanent on my body, it has to have meaning. So here’s mine: WolfNot the strongest, not the fastest, not the smartest, so relatable already! but even though they’re not all of this, without the wolf the nights in the wild are incomplete. Growing up I’ve heard so many stories, songs, movies about the wolf, in some they’re […]

There’s this thing keeps playing in my head so I figured let’s spill it out and see if we’re all sailing in the same boat or am I lost. When I was a kid, while many my age dreamt big of becoming pilots, astronauts, doctors when they grew up, I just simply wanted to grow up. Being an adult was always portrayed to be someone who could wade of monsters at night and tackle the pain of a job during the day, who could make life and death decisions in a minute, provide for the family, pay bills etc and […]

When I first decided to start a blog, I was haunted by this question. Should I really put my thoughts out there for the world to criticise? Thinking about that lead me to answers that brought a lot of clarity. Let’s get into it. Are you good enough as a writer to hit publish/post?Does it even matter? Your blog/page, you deicide when to go live. Good or bad, it’s subjective either way, and even if it’s bad to everyone in the world, well, that’s okay, they can simply choose to not read. Even if your content makes someone think “if […]

dada – an informal term for a father A month after dada’s demise, I just needed to write in order to process everything, this is a glimpse of my notepad. It’s all over the place, just like my mind then: It’s been 1 month, so quickly, it still won’t sink in, and I hope it never does, because it’s more comforting this way. A father-son relationship is usually not one of the simple one’s. Me and dada were more of the usual case I’d say, we happily coexisted in the same house, most of the time in peace, he let […]

5th May 2022: In memory of Lorsu, who passed away exactly one year after my father on the 5th of May ’22. Who’s Lorsu?That’s a question I often came across growing up and had no straight answer to. Saying neighbour seemed too distant and saying uncle meant I couldn’t answer further whether from mom’s side or dad’s. To me, Lorsu played many roles, he was a friend, a father, a grandfather, a handyman, and forever my cheerleader. A support system like no other, who would come to my aid at my beck and call. He often took upon himself to […]

Thriving in chaos is what I’ve discovered about myself but I recently figured I bring chaos upon me. I can literally be smooth sailing through life 40 miles an hour most of the times, but nope, that’s apparently basic. I look at so many people around sorting one thing at a time to make life easier. I think by default I was lucky enough to have a lot sorted, but the fool in me doesn’t get the adrenaline rush. I’ve had my fair share of bad luck, but I have summoned a lot of storms in calm waters myself. When […]

Thoda sad story hai toh if you’re in a happy-happy zone, badme padh lena. So December was going slow and sad for me as is, but the one thing I was looking forward to was the Goa trip planned with my wife, sister in law and a couple of close friends (literally, a couple). Kaafi planning ho chuki thi, peak season mein Goa, that too road trip and Goa is anyway home away from home for me. Meine kaafi places shortlist kiye hue the sabko leke jaane, secluded spots, food places, shopping ke places and so on. We left on […]

Growing up marriage always felt like a super adult thing to do. I’m not sure if you get what I mean, but you know adult-adult, formal shirt-pant, moustache man, combed hair type adult. Seeing marriages around me and hearing all the jokes and stories on marriage, for me it was something I wanted to stay from as long as possible and get into only once I turn 40. Life, however, had other plans. I’ll take some credit from “Life” and give it to my wife though, she made the decision a little easy for me. Why? Well, before getting married, […]