ChaoticNick

In a world that’s built on the back of doers, it’s high time we stop perfecting in our head. While pursuing my masters degree in college I started using the phrase “I’ll wing it”, I overdid it a bit though, then again I got through with a distinction. It’s this toxic yet resourceful trait I developed wherein I cut down on overthinking and anxiousness and just “did” whatever I was supposed to and then dealt what happened. I call it toxic because a part of me is still not fully comfortable doing it since it’s not well thought off, but […]

Growing up, the streets were occupied with hatchbacks and complemented by the classy sedans. The sedans, once a touch of luxury, a joy to watch drive by, a treat to be in the drivers seat, have now turned into a nightmare, at least practically. I’ve grown up watching sedans as a rich man’s car, and loved most of them, the Honda City, Civic, Sonata, Lancer, all so iconic. In fact, I dreamt of having one in my garage at some point, but if I put myself in buying man’s shoe today, a sedan doesn’t stand a chance. While sedans undoubtedly […]

My first big tattoo and with a big tattoo comes the responsibility of answering the most common question, “what does it mean?” I get it doesn’t necessarily have to have a meaning, but for me, it was important, if I was getting something permanent on my body, it has to have meaning. So here’s mine: WolfNot the strongest, not the fastest, not the smartest, so relatable already! but even though they’re not all of this, without the wolf the nights in the wild are incomplete. Growing up I’ve heard so many stories, songs, movies about the wolf, in some they’re […]

There’s this thing keeps playing in my head so I figured let’s spill it out and see if we’re all sailing in the same boat or am I lost. When I was a kid, while many my age dreamt big of becoming pilots, astronauts, doctors when they grew up, I just simply wanted to grow up. Being an adult was always portrayed to be someone who could wade of monsters at night and tackle the pain of a job during the day, who could make life and death decisions in a minute, provide for the family, pay bills etc and […]

When I first decided to start a blog, I was haunted by this question. Should I really put my thoughts out there for the world to criticise? Thinking about that lead me to answers that brought a lot of clarity. Let’s get into it. Are you good enough as a writer to hit publish/post?Does it even matter? Your blog/page, you deicide when to go live. Good or bad, it’s subjective either way, and even if it’s bad to everyone in the world, well, that’s okay, they can simply choose to not read. Even if your content makes someone think “if […]

5th May 2022: In memory of Lorsu, who passed away exactly one year after my father on the 5th of May ’22. Who’s Lorsu?That’s a question I often came across growing up and had no straight answer to. Saying neighbour seemed too distant and saying uncle meant I couldn’t answer further whether from mom’s side or dad’s. To me, Lorsu played many roles, he was a friend, a father, a grandfather, a handyman, and forever my cheerleader. A support system like no other, who would come to my aid at my beck and call. He often took upon himself to […]

dada – an informal term for a father A month after dada’s demise, I just needed to write in order to process everything, this is a glimpse of my notepad. It’s all over the place, just like my mind then: It’s been 1 month, so quickly, it still won’t sink in, and I hope it never does, because it’s more comforting this way. A father-son relationship is usually not one of the simple one’s. Me and dada were more of the usual case I’d say, we happily coexisted in the same house, most of the time in peace, he let […]

Thriving in chaos is what I’ve discovered about myself but I recently figured I bring chaos upon me. I can literally be smooth sailing through life 40 miles an hour most of the times, but nope, that’s apparently basic. I look at so many people around sorting one thing at a time to make life easier. I think by default I was lucky enough to have a lot sorted, but the fool in me doesn’t get the adrenaline rush. I’ve had my fair share of bad luck, but I have summoned a lot of storms in calm waters myself. When […]