Thriving in chaos is what I’ve discovered about myself but I recently figured I bring chaos upon me. I can literally be smooth sailing through life 40 miles an hour most of the times, but nope, that’s apparently basic.

I look at so many people around sorting one thing at a time to make life easier. I think by default I was lucky enough to have a lot sorted, but the fool in me doesn’t get the adrenaline rush. I’ve had my fair share of bad luck, but I have summoned a lot of storms in calm waters myself.

When I think of it I wonder, is it really a bad thing? What’s the point of a smooth sail? Isn’t it going to be plain boring? Who remembers the time everything was just fine? What are your most memorable memories? It has to be one’s with chaos involved right? Where you’re heart was beating faster than it should, where you’re super sleepy but your eyes won’t shut, where you want to shout out of joy but you instead tear up, where you were expecting sweet victory but instead f*** up.

There’s this quote that always stayed with me, it’s from a poem in the movie “Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara”, it says:

Diloṅ meṅ tum apnī betābiyāṇ leke chal rahe ho, to ziṅdā ho tum

It simply means you’re alive if you have an anxious heart.

I kept running away from this anxiety so much and chasing the calm that along the way the anxiety itself is what I fell in love with. The thought of waking up with something to worry about, something new, something different, something with an outcome that can change your life completely, isn’t that exhilarating? Being someone who’s proud of most decisions they’ve made, I know I can think straight when required, but the one’s I’ve made following my heart, those are the one’s I’ll remember the most because of how preposterous they were at times.

Does this even make sense? Probably not to someone sane, but think about it. Why do you want a life with the same routine? With everything sorted and in place as it’s supposed to be, shake it up a notch, go a step further and shake it up entirely. Why do you want peace? What’s the fun of it? You should want problems, newer ones, bigger ones, solving them will give you so many stories and experiences you’ll live a life actually worth remembering.

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